Arriving at a place of stillness is challenging enough for people dealing with day-to-day distractions. It's especially challenging to do after someone is in pain or has experienced protracted trauma. Finding peace and stillness while trying to cope with a storm of unrest that lies within is a tall order.

As a student of trauma and grief myself, I've discovered at least 4 things that have helped me quiet my mind and achieve stillness. I hope this is helpful:

STEP ONE: BE PATIENT, HEALING HURTS
Finding stillness seems like a distant dream when we're in pain. The very suggestion sounds impossible, even patently absurd.

The first step is to understand healing hurts and to be patient with ourselves while sorting through our pain. When we accept the idea healing hurts and give ourselves a little grace as we sort it out, we take the first and vital step toward stillness and peace. Pain is no longer a surprise, but something to be expected.

STEP TWO: HEALING BEGINS WITH FEELING
Though it sounds like step one, this second step is as distinct as fire is from water. Knowing that something hurts and allowing ourselves to hurt are very different indeed.

I've discovered that scheduling time to grieve and release emotion is a healthy practice and that it always leads to a measure of stillness and peace in the end. Allowing ourselves to experience "all the feels" is vital to our emotional and spiritual health. Running from or suppressing pain can alter our thinking in ways that harm ourselves and others. Letting pain course through us can be terrifying at first, but it is necessary if we're to do the deep work of healing.

Processing pain can almost feel like a forceful sneeze; as we breathe in deeply, then let it out, we feel much better on the other side. We have to let it out; for we cannot heal what we don't allow ourselves to feel.

STEP THREE: SEARCH FOR MEANING AND PURPOSE
The very suggestion that we search for meaning and purpose in our pain may sound like a trite slogan; however, it can be a powerful tool to discover deep stillness and peace.

When it comes to pain (or anything, really), the key is to not ask, "why me?" but rather, "what can I learn from this?" When we examine our struggles with the intent to learn and understand, we begin to see pain as our teacher, not our tormentor. This shift in how we see things can be a great source of understanding and understanding leads to peace, peace to stillness.

STEP FOUR: PRACTICE MAKES …
Perfect? Not always. But practice has the power to make things permanent. If we practice allowing ourselves to feel and to search for understanding, stillness will eventually come. It takes time, but if we practice, we can build a kind of emotional muscle memory that can take us through pain more quickly and to peace and stillness more readily.

I'm still a student of suffering, but these are steps that have worked for me.