TWO GIFTS
I sometimes wonder why we wait until it’s too late. We send flowers at funerals when those flowers might have lifted a heavy heart when that loved one was living. We honor our family and friends with eulogies after they pass – when our gratitude and love may have healed a weary, forgotten soul. I know it’s not practical to write eulogies for the living or send bouquets of flowers every day – but we can send a text or give someone a call when they come to mind. That counts, too. I’ve discovered the little things are always bigger than we imagine.
Today Mitch would have turned 19. He passed away a few months before his 11th birthday—a tender age, to be sure. As a little boy, he loved his Mom with all his heart. He still believed in Santa and loved building Legos. Although he was very much a young boy, he also looked forward to becoming a husband and father when he grew up.
Grief hurts even after 8 years. But I’ve also discovered grief refines us – if we do the work to transform our pain from our tormentor into our teacher. It isn’t easy. Grief is clumsy work, really … especially in the beginning. I remember the days I would shut my door at the office and weep. For the first few years, every minute was a waking nightmare. I sometimes prayed for my own death to escape the pain.
Yet, despite all the pain Mitchell’s death has caused me, he has brought me even more in love, joy, and meaning. Little Mitch was then and remains today, one of my most sacred teachers. He didn’t mean to be my teacher – he was just a little kid. Mitch was innocent and the embodiment of goodness.
As my teacher, Mitch gave me two gifts embedded in 2 profound lessons. I am so very far from perfect, but try to emulate these every day:
ONE: SEE WITH YOUR HEART
“When you see with your heart, you see everything that matters.” ~ Mitchell Dee Jones
Mitch taught me to look beyond someone’s jagged edges and see their heart. Even in the midst of being treated poorly by some adults, my little boy taught me to look for their pain. He understood that hurt people hurt people – and though we should not tolerate abuse and unkindness, we can practice the healer’s art by seeing the person behind the pain. Mitch taught me everyone is worthy and deserving of love.
TWO: BE KIND AND GRATEFUL
“Be nice to each other and be glad you’re alive. Nothing else matters.” ~ Mitchell Dee Jones
Little Mitch taught me the formula for a joyful life is found in gratitude and kindness. He showed me that kindness is contagious, and life is limited. So, I’ve learned how to spread one and treasure the other. We’re only on this earth for a few minutes – why not shine while we’re here?
Today, as my little family celebrates Mitchell’s birthday, I will double my efforts to see beyond – to see with my heart. I’ll share love and kindness to everyone I meet … and I’ll treasure what precious seconds remain in my own short life.
I don’t know what happens in that place beyond the hills. But I dream of seeing my 10-year-old son on some path’s horizon, a great way off. And when I see him, I will run at reckless speed to embrace him. My love for Mitch has only grown since I last saw him. I will thank him for being my son, my teacher, and my friend. While I walk my own path between now and then, I’ll do my best to stop and help the weary travelers I encounter and serve them in word and deed. For unqualified love is the greatest gift indeed.