" ........ Somewhere on the other side of this hell is the Heavenly promise of peace and reunion – but that’s a lifetime away and [learning to cope with] death and separation from our young boy who [wanted] so much to live, cuts us deeply. It’s easy to talk of God and life after death in Sunday school, but to come face to face with it is [bewildering].
But alas, we are grateful to know there is life after life ... and we have seen tender mercies in our family, even in the midst of our pain. While there are many today who have abandoned belief in God, we stand resolute … with an absolute knowledge of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. We have seen Him work in our lives; warning us, preparing us, and lifting us when we hardly have the strength to stand. We remain grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ and its healing, transcendent power. As C.S. Lewis once said of suffering, “Heaven, once attained, will work backwards and turn even [agony] into [glory].” This we know.
As we process all that is happening and the tender pains of losing our precious child, we have felt a quiet whisper that Mitchell was never really ours in the first place, but he is on loan to us from the Father of us all. He, like each of us, will return to Heavenly Father with a perfectly executed life experience filled with hardship and happiness; all designed to refine our souls for greater purposes.
*I took this photo of Mitchell in the fall of 2012. I added some paint textures to prepare to print on a canvas.*
* PLEASE NOTE: This photo was taken just as Mitchell went to sleep, the night he passed away.*
Dear Family, Friends and Loving Supporters,
At approximately 1:30 AM (Saturday, March 2nd) our sweet Mitchell passed away.
In the hours leading up to his passing we gathered around him as a family, spoke with him, told him how much we loved him, kissed him, cuddled and loved this young man with all that we had. We were grateful that he was able to squeeze our hands to acknowledge he was hearing us. We will miss our baby so very much. Mitchell, while weak in body was giant in spirit.
Last week Mitchell told me that his favorite day is Friday saying it "felt special" because we usually dedicated that evening to family. So in honor of our boy we had our weekly Friday night "den party" but this time in his room. We all spoke softly as we watched a movie and enjoyed each other's company. Mitchell was fading throughout the night, but he kept giving us hand squeeze signals that he was with us and we are sure he loved having us all spend time with him.
Just as I had drifted off to sleep at around 1:00AM I had an impression that I should formally tuck him in (something he asks me to do every night). I got up from the floor, pulled his blanket over his chest, kissed his forehead and whispered into his ear, "Mitchie, this is Dad. I am tucking you in, just as you like it. Remember what we talked about ... don't be afraid, everything is okay. I love you, son. So very much." With that, I kissed him on the forehead a few more times, pressed my face against his and squeezed his hand. Mitchell passed away in less than an hour. I was so grateful to hear that impression and that I acted on it. I would hope that he heard my voice and recognized he had one last tuck and cuddle with his daddy and that it brought him peace and assurance.
Natalie spent the entire evening cradling and caressing her son and assuring him that he was okay and that he was safe in her arms. She never left his side. Natalie has been a valiant and loving mother to her son. I took this photo of Natalie and Mitch last night just before midnight. She loved him with all that she had and served him even more.
In the coming days, weeks and months we will be sharing some events along Mitchell's Journey that have strengthened our faith in God, widened our view of suffering, tender experiences with Mitch, things we learned from Mitchell and some of the remarkable things we learned about you, Mitchell's Journey followers.
We want to thank all of you who reached out to our boy to offer love and support. Your packages and letters of encouragement made him feel special. Your notes on this Facebook page were read to him daily and it made him feel that he wasn't alone. From the bottom of our hearts we thank you.
Our hearts are heavy with sorrow, but filled with gratitude and peace. Mitchell's Journey is not over: it has only just begun ... in this life and the life after.
Natalie reading to our baby this afternoon. While she read to him, she would reach to his and and Mitch would often squeeze Natalie's hand to let her know he loved her. He has done that since the day he was a wee tike. Hand hugs are one of his signature expressions.
As I sit at the end of my son’s bed as he lies curled up and in a deep, deep sleep that we can’t seem to wake him from. He seems to wake enough to take his medicine or go to the bathroom but then he drifts off to a place far away.
Last night he woke but he couldn’t sit up for very long. His blood pressure is so low that any prolonged sitting causes him to become faint and nauseous. Mitchell’s motor skills are significantly decreased. We were glad to have him eat last night but he was lethargic and could hardly maneuver his fork. Still he tried to maintain his independence and wanted to feed himself as much as possible. We helped a little, but he managed to feed himself on his own for most of the meal.
For all intents and purposes my son is gone. He is here. He is breathing, barely. But in many ways he is gone. I don’t know if we’ll have another meal or conversation or smile … and that breaks my heart. At the moment it feels like the weight of grief is being held in suspension by the hope of one more … of anything.