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THE WAY OUT
This morning we helped a local DMD family get a new wheelchair ramp installed at their home. They are the sweetest family you'll ever meet and we have grown to love them. This afternoon, when Tyler comes home from school, he will ride this new ramp for the first time.

“... the best way to change a negative circumstance is to lose yourself in the service of others.”

— Christopher M. Jones | Mitchell's Journey

We will share a video in the next few days that highlights this family and project.

The real heroes of this construction project are AGC of Utah and Jacobsen Construction. They did this. Their commitment to give back to the community inspires me to serve more, to lift heavy hands and to find new ways to help others.

On days like today, when we try to serve other families who will inevitably lose their boys, I tend to get a little weepy. Sometimes a lot weepy. My heart aches for their own burdens and I wish I could take it away from them. My grief has transformed into deep compassion for others - and though I still ache to be with my son, I am learning to channel that energy to help others. Therein lies that sweet heavenly paradox: when we try to lift others, we are also lifted.

As my wife and I left their home we both mentioned how much our hearts were overflowing with love and gratitude. Love and gratitude for this good family and for these good people who were willing to chip in and serve their community.

It is my experience that the best way to change a negative circumstance is to lose yourself in the service of others. I swear on my life this principle is true. It works. It helps. It heals.

• If you're hurting, go serve someone.
• If you're a little lost, help someone else find their way.
• If you're sad, help someone be happy. 
 • If don’t have the strength to stand, try kneeling and asking for help.

The way out of hard stuff is to help others through theirs. It may never take our pain away, but it will strengthen our backs so we can face another day. I hope everyone who read these words will find someone to serve today.

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The man on the left of this photo (see below) is Jacobsen Construction's teacher in their apprentice program.  I have watched this man for two years carefully teach and guide his apprentices.  He is a master teacher with a love for his craft.  What inspires me most about him is the other lessons he so authentically teaches ... the value of service and giving back to the community.    

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We cannot say enough about good about Rich Thorn, CEO of AGC of Utah and Rich Fullmer, head of apprenticeship and training.  These men, along with their entire company, are committed to make a difference in their industry and serve their community at the same time.  They don't give their core values lip service, they give their values action

AGC of Utah has been a wonderful supporter of Mitchell's Journey Foundation.

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Photo Credit: Scott Winterton

Mitch was barely home on hospice. The hourglass that counted down our precious days and hours was all but invisible, and we didn’t know if his little heart would give out in 5 days or 5 minutes. So we clung to each moment like a weary traveler might hang to a flask of water in a desert.

“I love that heavenly paradox: when we lift others, we too are lifted.”

— Christopher M. Jones | Mitchell's Journey

During this time, Candice Madsen, a producer with a local news agency (KSL), had been telling our son’s story on the news. She was professional and courteous … and most importantly, she was deeply compassionate. At one point, she sent me a message asking if a former BYU football player, Andrew Rich, might come over to wish Mitch well. During the height of his athletic career Andrew thought football was the most important thing in his life, but then he had a baby and, like me, his world turned upside down and right side up. When he learned of our little boy’s struggle, his heart turned to our son with compassion.

So, on this cold February night, Andrew brought the warmth of humanity into our home. He sat on the edge of our couch, next to Mitch, and shared a few photos of his little baby who also had heart complications as an infant. Then Andrew did what great humans do, he turned attention away from himself and encouraged a person in need. He told little Mitch how strong he was and that he cared. I sat on the couch and fought back a river of tears as I knew Mitch needed every ounce of courage and strength he could get. In truth, so did we.

After a while of conversation, Mitchell’s energy began to fade, and he asked to lay down. Natalie rushed over and scooped our little boy in her arms; his hands seemed so heavy. Just then, Andrew reached out and held Mitchell’s hand and squeezed it – as if to give him a hug. I saw a look of compassion and love in his countenance that warmed my heart.

Mitch was touched by his kindness and wondered why anyone, especially a stranger to him, would even care. He often said things like, “I’m just a kid,” struggling to understand. Later that night I sat on the edge of his bed as Mitch asked me why so many strangers took an interest in him. My eyes filled with tears as I explained that people care because they know how precious children are. Then, I could barely utter the words as Mitchell’s eyes filled with tears, “You, my son, are the very best part of me and I want to be good, just like you.” Mitch reached out his tired arms gesturing for a hug. We both wept, father and son, as we held each other – trying to lift each other’s heavy hands.

Mitch would have another good week ahead of him. He played with friends, spent time with family, and got to do many things he loved. I put my entire world on pause and tried to love this little boy with everything I had. It was a tender and fragile time: both beautiful and heartbreaking.

After that magical week, death came clawing at our door. Another week would pass, and Mitchell’s vitals would deteriorate as we felt death’s coldness breeze seeping into our home. Saying goodbye was terrifying beyond all description and broke every single part of me. Then came grief – a journey that would break my broken pieces.

I have spent the better part of 3 years processing the death of my child. I still grieve deeply, though writing has become my therapy and helped me process the meaning of things. Yet, in moments of deep grief, when my hands (and heart) feel especially heavy, I have learned to turn my attention to others, and I try to lift heavy hands, just like Andrew Rich. I love that heavenly paradox: when we lift others, we too are lifted.

May we spend this year in the service of others, lifting heavy hands; for we are all weary travelers and we are meant to help each other along the way.

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We sat in the upper level of Shriners Hospital waiting our turn to visit with the orthotics department. From a distance, I saw Ethan and Mitch whispering in the corner of a vast open space designed to let children play. I could tell by the looks on their faces these young boys were conspiring to have fun. A few moments later I saw Ethan sit on a scooter and Mitch started pushing him with his electric chair. They both laughed and laughed as they scurried about the hardwood floor, sometimes at exhilarating speeds.

Along the wall of this open corridor, I saw a chalkboard where a young child wrote, “I’m sad.” I’ll post that photo in another story about suffering. As I read that simple phrase, clearly written by young hands, I began to cry for that mystery child. My heart broke and I wished I could share a portion of my own health and give it to others in need, including my son. I would have given my life to save my son.

“So, when I seem to struggle or get lost and can’t find my way, I stop to catch my breath … then find someone I can serve that day. It doesn’t take much to turn a bad day around – if I can help someone in need and my heart goes from lost, to suddenly found.”

— Christopher M. Jones | Mitchell's Journey

As I turned attention back Mitch and Ethan, my eyes began to dry and my heart was filled with gratitude. Though life can seem cruel at times, I saw evidence of heaven’s hand right before me. My eyes began to see the tender mercy these two boys were to each other. In that moment, I knew that while God wouldn’t remove Mitchell’s hardship, He sent Ethan to help ease the way.

Mitch was about to endure a great inconvenience. Within a few hours, he would have both legs placed in cast for a few weeks. These casts were shaped in such a way to stretch his heel cords – which stretching would help keep him walking a little longer. However, just a few short months from this photo Mitch would go into catastrophic heart failure – and all that we tried to do to keep him healthy would become painfully irrelevant.

Ethan, knowing his younger brother’s options in life were limited, knew just how to serve him. He always allowed Mitch to wrestle him to the ground and let him win, even though Ethan was much stronger than his younger brother. He helped Mitch build blanket forts when his arms were weak. Sometimes Mitch would sit in the middle of the room with a smile as Ethan built a big pillowy, blankety fort around him. Mitchell’s smile would always grow in proportion to the size of the fort. Though life was difficult, it was also glorious.

Ethan found ways to serve Mitch so he could feel like a healthy child. Ironically, by allowing his older brother to serve him, Mitch was serving Ethan at the same time. When I think back on my own life, not once have I served someone and regretted the decision. In fact, I have always felt more blessed than the person I was trying to serve. Heaven’s paradoxes are as sweet as they are beautiful.

So, when I seem to struggle or get lost and can’t find my way, I stop to catch my breath … then find someone I can serve that day. It doesn’t take much to turn a bad day around – if I can help someone in need and my heart goes from lost, to suddenly found.

That’s the flipside of service: by allowing people to serve us, we are also serving them. The very act of giving can change or heal a heart … times ten.

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There is no single photo that encapsulates what happened today at our Miles for Mitchell run. We were humbled by everyone's support and loving encouragement. Though we run in honor of Mitch, we also run in hope for other boys with DMD. Today we had 11 children, each with DMD, attend. Each child left knowing they were loved by a growing community who cares and wants to help.

In this photo, Natalie talks with a dear friend of hers who also has a son with DMD. Our little Mitchell was friends with her son, who is also named Mitchell. Two DMD mothers who love their sons and carry uniquely heavy burdens, yet they set their sorrows aside to love and support each other. 

As I attended the funeral of my beautiful Aunt earlier this week, a woman who loved little Mitch and was there to support him during special times in his life, I discovered that she often said of life, "We're just walking each other home." 

May we walk each other home with helping hands and loving hearts.

Thank you to everyone who supported our event. It was a beautiful day.