Posts tagged Friends
YOU ARE ENOUGH

A few years ago an employee of mine was getting married, and many of the people with whom we worked came to his wedding reception. Bruce Newbold, a dear friend, and colleague of many years came to the celebration. He no longer worked with our team but because we were all friends, he came not out of social obligation but of love and friendship.

Heaven’s hand, although invisible at the time, was deep in the tapestry of our lives.
— Christopher M. Jones | Mitchell's Journey

The summer sun was about to set, and the wedding reception was nestled in a beautiful garden, deep in the shadow of a tree-covered hill. The air was comfortably warm, and it was another one of those perfect summer evenings you wish you could bottle up and save. I took a deep breath and drank in the moment, grateful for all that was – seen and unseen.

As friends and family of the newly wedded couple arrived, I began to see some of our colleagues and friends arrive, too. When Bruce and his lovely wife showed up, he was quick to say hello and offer his love to our family. Bruce had a tender place in his heart for Mitch, and I remember being so moved when I saw my friend give Mitch a loving hug. I could tell by the look on my son’s face that he felt special. Immediately I fought back the tears because my heart was filled with gratitude. I think everybody deserves to feel important and valued – and on this day Mitch felt all of that and so much more.

Bruce has a special gift of making people feel valued – but more importantly, he causes them to feel they are enough, just the way they are. Mitch sometimes wondered if he was enough … after all, he couldn't run and jump like other boys. In his little mind and heart, he sometimes wondered if he was worth less than others who could do things he couldn't. Mitch yearned to be like “regular kids.” On those occasions, I remember telling my son, with tears in my eyes, that I loved him no matter what. I reminded him that we are all mortal and flawed … and though imperfect I loved him perfectly. I didn't use the words, “you are enough” because I didn't know them at the time – but he knew my meaning, and it was the same.

I wonder how often people live out their lives wondering if they are enough … whether they measure up to some arbitrary or unreasonable set of ever-changing standards. Sometimes it helps to be reminded we are so much more than our mortal bodies and that we are just visitors in this place.

Without uttering a sound, Bruce speaks in ways more powerful than words … saying again and again, “You are enough.” Bruce has the gift of lift- and that’s just what he did for little Mitch on this day and many days before and after.

At the moment of this photo, my son’s fatal diagnosis was far from my mind. Mitch was healthy and seemed to be doing better than anyone expected. It was always the quiet prayer of my heart that somehow, some way, he would be spared. To my great sorrow and without mercy, Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy stripped my son of strength and eventually life.

I cannot look at this image and not sense a strong impression that there was so much more happening than I realized. Heaven’s hand, although invisible at the time, was deep in the tapestry of our lives. You see, this man was more than a friend to our family, he also played an important role in Mitchell’s Journey and became an instrument of God in ways I may never share publicly – for some things are too sacred to share. It will suffice to say, this good man and this little broken boy … my little boy … have some heavenly ties that both break my heart and sew it back together again.

I am grateful for those who, like Bruce, have the gift of lift. For they lend a helping hand to heavy hearts and souls that are lonely or sick. And on dark days when I'm discouraged and want to give up, when I struggle and wonder if I measure up, I think of my son, and then my Father and I hear a heavenly whisper, “You are enough.”

Loading Comments
THE BETTER WAY

On Mitchell’s last trip to work with me a colleague went out of his way to talk to Mitch and make him feel important. When I think back on this moment my heart is filled with gratitude because there were probably a million-and-one reasons he could have ignored Mitch and focused only on the tasks that weighted heavy on his shoulders. I suppose, if he were like many people today swept up in the rush and flurry of things, he might have felt bothered, slowed down or flustered because there was a kid in the office. That was not how Corey treated my son, for he chose the better way. This moment reminded me of something William Phelps said, “The first test of a gentleman: his respect for those who can be of no possible value to him.” I have always loved that observation and I saw it in action that day. 

Corey, understanding the true value of a soul, knew there was more to life than work and took time to love my son. If Mitch had lived a full life, I am sure he would have remembered that exchange with Corey as one of those building moments … those rare exchanges when you’re young that make you feel special and important and change you a little on the inside. 

When we left work Mitch said in his quiet voice, “Dad, that man was really nice to me. Is everyone you work with that nice?” Immediately I felt a lump in my throat because I knew how much little Mitch valued kindness … and he was given the gift of kindness by Corey. I told him, “I think so, Mitchie. I surely hope so.” Mitch gave me a hand hug as we navigated rush-hour traffic on our slow journey home. At some point along the way Mitch closed his eyes, leaned his head against my arm and went to sleep. I cried a little that moment because I didn't know how much time I had with him – and what time I had was more precious to me than all the riches of earth. What I had in that moment with Mitch cannot be bought with money, but it does come at a price; the price of time, love and attention. 

Fast forward a few months and I found myself at my little boy’s funeral, devastated and bewildered with grief. We had just said our final goodbyes and closed the casket and began the impossible walk down the hall to the chapel. My knees almost gave out a couple of times because my body just wanted to fall to the ground and weep.

As we began to turn the corner I saw Corey walking into the building to offer his love and support. He lived so far away from us and probably had a million-and-one reasons to not go, but he made it a point to offer love and kindness to our family. I quickly broke formation and gave him a hug just before we entered the chapel. Suddenly, in my mind, I heard Mitchell’s voice, almost like a whisper, “Dad, that man was really nice to me.” In my heart I said to my son, “Mitch, you were right, that man IS really nice … and nothing else matters.” He doesn't know this, but Corey’s gift of kindness to Mitch was also a gift to me because he gave my boy the gift of time and attention and made him happy. 

I am grateful for people like Corey … who make a choice each day to love and lift others – even when they don’t need to. I cannot help but be brought to tears when I look at this image; for I see two sons of a loving Father who wants only for us to be nice and help each other along the way … because that’s all that matters at the end of the day. Kindness is always the better way.

Loading Comments
WISHING IT NEVER HAPPENED

We were blessed to have Luke, one of Mitchell's best friends, stay at our home last night and hang out with our family. Luke is very much like family to us. This morning the boys wanted to visit Mitchell. So we drove them to the cemetery to visit our little boy. At one point Luke walked up to the headstone and placed his hand over the image of a wheelchair as if to rub it away and said "I wish this never happened" --- referring to muscular dystrophy and how it took his life. The lump in my throat was so big I could hardly breathe. With all that I am, I wish it never happened, either. Somewhere on the other side of this hell is heaven - and I seek after that.

Loading Comments
THE ORIGINS OF JOY

Just a day before Mitch went to the hospital for heart failure, a friend and colleague of mine came by our home to offer Mitch some cheer. He was aware Mitch was in trouble, but none of us had any idea death was scratching at our windows. The next morning we would find death violently gashing at our door while we rushed our son to the hospital.

So on what seemed an ordinary Saturday, this noble man brought his wife and children with him; they didn't stay long … just long enough to let my son know they cared about him. They seemed excited for Mitch because he had his very own puppy. It seemed for a moment their joy was connected to Mitchell’s.

Reflecting on this experience I later wrote in my journal, “Nothing is quite so revealing as the origins of someone’s joy. If a person takes greater delight in the triumphs and happiness of others, more than their own indulgences, you have found a noble soul. This man is a noble soul.” It seemed for a moment, at least to me, this good man and his family found joy in watching Mitchell’s joy … and that moved my soul. 

Because this man is modest and humble, he wouldn't want me to mention any of this … let alone something he did for Mitch a few months prior. But the gratitude in my heart cannot stay my tongue; what he and his family did for Mitch was simple but profound. Upon learning our son’s heart was in serious trouble a few months prior, Spencer and his family made Mitch the most intricate and thoughtful collage (about the size of a poster) that included funny sayings and images of Mitchell’s favorite things. It was clearly a labor of love - and such labors are worth more than anything money can buy. When Mitch first saw this hand-made poster he studied it for what seemed an hour. He was so touched that they thought of him. Mitch laughed at the funny things they wrote and he was visibly touched by nice things they said. That simple poster was a gift from the heart and it touched my son’s heart.

Just a few days before Mitch passed away I sat next to my weary son as he lay on his bed lethargic and struggling to breathe. He nudged my arm softly and pointed to the collage that was made with loving hearts and Mitch smiled – as if to acknowledge the kindness extended to him months prior. He didn't forget the love he received back then and it lifted his weary heart at the end.

Once again I was reminded the origins of joy are found in the service of others. Spencer and his beautiful family found joy in lifting and loving – they didn’t seek attention, they just sought to love their neighbor quietly and sincerely. They were my teachers then and they are my teachers again today. For in the quest for joy, simply serve others, there is no better way.

Loading Comments